Wild Advice

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this is my story you guys are literally
the first group of people that I’ve ever
told my story to so feel very special
but it takes a lot for me to share that
with you so I hope that it’s helpful in
any way that it is a little bit about me
growing up I’m the baby of three
children I grew up in an all-female
household I grew up just with my mom my
parents divorced when I was three my dad
I used to affectionately say he was a
cheater and a beater and although that’s
factually correct my dad was a really
broken person and my mom was a really
broken person and so they divorced
shortly thereafter having me and
literally grew up just with myself my
mom and my two sisters my mom and I
became companions very quickly because
of that I’ve been coined the chosen
child and grew up as the quintessential
good girl when I say good girl I really
mean it even my difficult behaviors that
I talked about earlier and that I share
with you today are very nice to look at
on the outside and they appear very
affirming in a lot of ways I never
really got into trouble I always say I
used to play the game really well I’m
known to be very talkative but I’ll give
you an example you know I’d be in
elementary school and everyone knew I
was talkative but I never got in trouble
for teaching or for talking why you ask
because I am that risk versus reward
person I like the Goldstar way more than
anyone else and I’ll bling out that gold
star if I could and so for me I knew the
appropriate times to talk and so someone
tried to engage me any time that was
inappropriate I would be very clear with
them that that was something I was not
willing to do at that time they could
see me on the playground and I would
talk their ear off about unicorns in the
color purple so for me I was highly
concerned about rules regulations and
I watched especially as my older sister
stepped into the role of a very parental
background because my mom was working
three jobs she did a lot to provide for
us from
a financial perspective and even an
outward perspective but I didn’t grow up
in a home where I heard I love you or
anything like that until I was about 18
years old I went away to college so I
always felt like I was placed in a
leadership position and so I always
thought I lived this great life I was
reading to kids and the kindergarten age
I started reading at two-and-a-half
years old I don’t know why my mom taught
all of us to read it very early ages I
think I was the earliest and so by
kindergarten I was I mean literally
reading to my classmates um I grew up
being on different teams and sports and
just always placed in a position where I
was meant to lead others and so I
thought that meant that I wordly I was
doing really well I never considered my
inner health I’m ashamed to say this but
until about two years ago so that’s a
whole life of living a totally different
affirmation cycle um I knew that I had a
passion for excellence in everything
that I did there was always this
insatiable hunger to grow and to learn
and to evolve even from a young age I
mean I taught myself gymnastics before I
ever started doing it in real life I
practiced visualization to learn how to
ride horses before I ever got on a horse
and then was asked to compete after
about a month of training um I think
I’ve just always been that person in
fact in journaling to prepare for this I
came upon a phrase that I think is so
formative and so true of myself my
mindset has always been if I’m not given
it I will earn it and that was true for
everything in my life whether it was
school grades teachers friendships
certainly my relationships my careers I
got older extracurricular I basically
lived my whole life in a
performance-based mode earning every
piece of love that I desired but of
course from all the wrong places
so after quite a few years of dating a
lot of different men who I thought never
recognized my potential I met my
ex-husband he was the exact opposite of
who people saw me to be with you know
always see me with like a really strong
businessman and someone who had all his
stuff together and I meet this guy who’s
wildly out of control and just put me so
high up on a pedestal that I thought he
finally saw all the things that a lot of
people didn’t see in me including my own
father so he told me he met me and knew
that I was the one so just imagine a
wildly in control girl meets a wildly
out of control boy and there is our love
story all wrapped up into one sentence
he told me that I made him want to be a
better person that he thought God led us
to each other to become better versions
of ourselves and I was totally in on
that deal that sounded good that looked
good I was in the right stage of life
for that and so I wholeheartedly believe
that God brought this man to me and I
still believe that to this day it was a
really pivotal time in my life I was
very early in my career I started my
career very early I progressed very
early again always being the good little
performance that I could produce so I
was ready externally to get married I’ve
had all my ducks in a row I had saved
for retirement before I even needed to
and so it worked out perfectly it was
the perfect time people kept asking me
you know when are you going to settle
down when are you going to meet someone
and so I meet this guy who thinks the
world of me and I think well this is
about right he gets it I’m fabulous so I
literally had the makings of a really
good life on the outside but I think
deep down I lacked that male affirmation
because there was no one in my life that
had ever provided that to me in fact
it’s quite funny to share the story with
you and realize that I had never even
thought I had zero relationship with my
father zero none never had a
conversation with the guy until a couple
of months ago I had no knowledge of him
I had no knowledge of what a man should
be like I didn’t even know like what
would happen living in a home with a man
the first time you get out of the shower
do you cover up do you close the door I
mean all these questions that I
never even had to I never had to
experience that as a child I didn’t have
a dad walking around the house and so
there are things I was really sheltered
to looking back I just never thought
that would affect me I never even
considered it and it’s really quite
funny to me now because I married my
father just like people always say that
they do a man that I had know nothing
about I chose and married so he and I
met and we were engaged in six weeks of
dating he says again that I was the one
and we both knew that person would meet
our innermost needs looking back I see
it as we had these really deep rooted
core issues and we saw that other person
being able to fix them in the way that
we already knew how very unhealthily and
much like a parent that we both could
identify with you may say after six
weeks that was fast but I’ll tell you I
am two and a half years post-divorce
and I can tell you the love I feel in my
heart is the same as I did the day I met
my ex-husband so how do you make that
story a success when you know I’m here
for a divorce testimony I’ll tell you
we’ve had a lot of similar common
interests we had a lot of surface needs
that were met by each other that guy is
my best friend and was my best friend
and I really believe that every night I
used to wake up thinking like this is a
dream it was like a sleepover every
night we would hang out together eat
together enjoy life together I just
never saw anything coming so we decided
before we ever got married though that
we do everything right so let me give
you this picture of me the good girl I
set the stage perfectly we had two
premarital courses we had a premarital
counselor we read several books
including of course saving your marriage
before it starts we did work books we
read quotes out of the Bible we had
biblical counseling on top of the
premarital counseling I checked every
box I possibly could because I knew one
I didn’t want to marry my father and two
I didn’t want to be divorced
so he played that game with me
and really did try to do everything he
could to make me happy including trying
to honor God by waiting to have sex
before marriage that was really
important to me and there were a number
of really large obstacles that came in
our way very early on before we even got
married and I thought that meant once
again Lord you placed this man in my
life for a reason I will marry him and I
will honor you unfortunately not long
after our marriage started our trouble
also started he had a habit of seeking
attention from other women it spiraled
into a cheating episode or eight several
and a longtime porn addiction that came
out very shortly thereafter and what
came out in me is that wounded little
girl who had been waiting for an excuse
to rage so we struggled with a lot of
things here are some themes that you may
identify with and each one of these I
can tell you I personally struggled with
with him addiction of course sexual
addiction pornography addiction
workaholism control issues separation
outside attractions unmet needs anger
emotional abuse miscarriage guilt fear
shame family stress and pressure to move
forward without ever dealing with the
past before we eventually divorced if
you ask me now and you asked me then I
would tell you the same answer divorce
is not what I wanted but I ended up
being the one to follow through with it
and at the end of the day my marriage
ended not because of a lack of love or
desire to be together but a lack of
desire to change and a lack of desire to
honor God’s Word my ex didn’t want help
for his issues and truthfully I didn’t
want the risk of being 4 or 40 more
years with someone who wasn’t going to
get a help and who was abusing me and
lacked respect for me at least through
his actions so to be honest with you my
heart was broken
my worst nightmare had come true and we
struggled after divorce with the desire
to reconcile what’s so funny about that
is that’s how I found my life group so
we decided we were trying to make things
work I knew like a good little fixer
that he had a lot of issues he needed to
work on at this point I was pretty clear
on the fact that it was an addiction and
we entered a life group each of us
separately and counseling together and I
think if I could summarize that number
of months together divorced going to
life group going to counseling we even
went to a marriage conference as a
divorced couple I’m exhausted just
thinking about it
whew but I can tell you that I know that
God needed to change both of our hearts
and this is certainly not the life that
my ex wanted to live and it wasn’t the
one I wanted to live either even though
I wanted to be with him so even if it
meant losing me he took his path and I
took mine and I know that there’s
someone in the room there’s probably
several in the room knowing the
statistics of divorce and a pornography
addiction and divorce that may be at a
interesting crossroads that I found
myself at that path I took was not the
initial path that I thought I would take
because what you’re told is that you
divorced the problem instantly right the
judge declares you divorce you take off
your ring you change your name and all
the issues are still there still with
you still with me and so I had two
choices to make I could either affirm
what my culture was telling me which is
that the problem was gone I was free and
I was free to go live a great life again
and just start over
or I could take a different path I could
look within myself and find all the ugly
that was there all the hurt that was
there that little girl who raged who was
probably needing to rage for a really
long time and heal her
and that was probably the easiest
decision I ever had to make because my
wound was so big so let me be clear at
this point I was like a little Martha
Stewart of our home I took care of the
home like a housewife but I had the
earning and the providing potential of
the career-driven mail that’s the honest
truth I was able to leave my marriage
because I was financially also able to
leave my marriage and I know that’s a
struggle that a lot of women have when
we divorced I was blessed with a vibrant
and growing career and that almost led
me to even more destruction I think than
my husband
I could have easily gone back and
struggled with going back into
workaholism for quite a while
I remember even thinking like now you
have no excuse screen you’ve got to go
being successful that’s your best
revenge you can’t beat him but you can
show him how great you are again earning
all the love that he couldn’t give me so
I joke that I make divorce look really
good um but the truth is I’d rather
share with you this I believe my divorce
helped me to have God show me what was
within me that needed change once I lost
my ex and I made that decision that
decision to focus on me that decision
that I I surpassed for so long that
never even came to mind for me or any
counselor I had met with until I started
life group and counseling with Jonna was
what’s with you that caused you to
attract someone like this stay with
someone like this behave the way that
you did with someone like this so I
poured into my own personal recovery I
had an amazing group of women in my life
group that showed me that I could be
vulnerable that I could stand here today
and tell you my story and feel really
proud and not feel ashamed they’ve
helped me so much to grow emotionally
from that little robot that I was and I
was a really good robot crying in public
is not what we do
mostly because it ruins your makeup and
so I’m not that control obsessed little
girl anymore who is screaming to be
affirmed now I’m still a strong woman
but I have a heart and a desire for
truth and authenticity in my life that
I’ll never let go of and so guys if it
took me losing my marriage the thing I
coveted more than anything and my best
friend who I still love I would do it
all again to feel this free I really
so I want to conclude by sharing with
you three really important learnings
because you know someone who’s been
through divorce you’ve been through
divorce and it’s really important to
hear my heart yes my ex messed up but I
did too I own my piece as someone who
struggles and struggles with emotional
and intimacy anorexia is something
that’s very typical for men but with
women it’s so much harder for a man to
receive I’m a highly self-reliant I’m
codependent and so it’s such a hybrid
personality you can imagine I attract
people with major intimacy issues and
they both draw near me and push away
from me at the same time and I own that
I own that because I have to to get
freedom from it it has nothing to do
with who I chose it has to do with Who I
am or who I was and I’ve learned that I
have feelings desires and fears whoa
that drives my every behavior and that’s
positive and negative that’s really
important for me to have discovered I’m
aware of it but now I know how to meet
those in healthy ways and I have a true
desire to be different and I did it well
I’m doing it and I just don’t want to
make excuses for who I am in my life
anymore I want to be exactly who God
meant me to be my second learning is
because of this desire and knowledge
I’ve been able to go really deep into my
core issues I have a strong passion for
that and change management I now have a
relationship with the father I told you
guys I knew nothing about that alone in
and of itself is like a hallelujah
a little crazy I have boundaries with my
mother that overbearing / attached
mother that I mentioned to you guys we
now have a true mother-daughter
relationship including like fights where
I slam the door in her face like totally
normal but I’ve been able to look past
my feelings of inadequacy and still work
through them and find a way to love
myself and you know what feels really
cool today and I’m so glad that this was
mentioned earlier I could give a rip
what you know about my bio it has to do
with my professional life I care that
you hear about my personal struggle and
my personal story I have the shortest
bio in that packet that you have and
there’s a reason for it I don’t care
what I do in my professional life I care
Who I am as a person and if that can
enrich you then that’s who I was meant
to be so I’ve healed my inner child and
I’m healing my inner child and I’m
growing into this human being that I
really believe I was meant to be 31
years ago and that’s all because I
focused on my issues and not my X’s so
here’s my last learning for you and it
may shock you I believe in marriage I
think it’s the most amazing thing in the
world and if I could have done all this
if I could have grown like this with my
partner you better believe I would still
be married and you’d be sitting right
there but I think God knew I needed
something major to get my attention
because as a good girl remember my
behaviors look really good on the
outside and although I wish every day
that my marriage would have worked out I
believe that I’m strong enough for God’s
plan for my life and I have no idea what
that is which is petrifying so I believe
that deep within me is that same passion
for excellence and that’s what I’ll
leave you with today but this time that
passion for excellence is not based on
the love of another person it’s not
based on my career but it’s to challenge
myself this question are you living the
very best life that you can be today so
friends I can answer that with a
resounding yes for the first time in my
entire life and I’m so honored to share
my story with you thank you
great job Corrine

we are created to bond with one person
of the opposite sex in marriage for
thought for a lifetime in anything that
the drefs disrupts that it just simply
doesn’t work let me just talk about
jealousy for just a minute because
jealousy is a very important emotion in
marriage it’s very positive emotion in
marriage it can become destructive if
it’s unhealthy and extreme but it’s a
god-like emotion and here’s what exodus
34:14 says about God staying Hebrews 13
if you would the Lord whose name is
jealous look at that the Lord whose name
is jealous is a jealous God a lot of
times when we’re repeating the names of
God we forget that one of his name’s is
jealous and the word jealous means
intolerant of rivalry
you lookyou you’re jealous because you
love somebody
now again jealousy can be destructive
and petty but in marriage we we’re
jealous because we love our spouse God
is jealous because of how much he loves
us he won’t give us up easily he’s
intolerant of rivalry with things or
people or anything like that because He
loves us so much his jealousy is a sign
of his love and that’s what happens in
marriage we marry and we love each other
we want to have a good marriage the
first thing that jealousy does is it
protects the priority of the
relationship God said for this cause a
man shall leave his father and mother
and cleave unto his wife you leave your
father and mother
your blood kin the most important
relationship you have in life you’ve got
to reprioritize that in order to enter
into marriage marriage has to be before
your children before your work before
church not before God but before church
it has to be before everything or it
doesn’t work and if in marriage we begin
to put our spouse at a lesser priority
they’ll become jealous if we begin to
put god behind other things he becomes
jealous because he wants first place our
marriage has to be first place except
for our relationship with God or our
spouse is going to get jealous another
thing that jealousy does is it protects
the relational integrity of the
relationship if you see your spouse
behaving in an
inappropriate manner with someone else
of the opposite sexual whatever you
become jealous because you’re flirting
you’re you’re talking them in
inappropriate ways you’re doing things
you’re crossing a line
so jealousy protects the relational
appropriateness of the relationship and
again I want to say it’s a very very
important emotion for us and it
ultimately protects the marriage
relationship if you listen to it if you
pay attention to adultery defined or an
affair defined is taking the most sacred
expressions of intimacy in marriage and
giving them to someone other than your
spouse now you can have an affair
without having sex you can have an
affair on an emotional level
it’s giving what belongs only to my
spouse and taking that and giving it to
someone else
adultery is almost always preceded by a
loss of priority in relational integrity
and adultery is almost always preceded
by the jealousy of a spouse in other
words the warning light on the dash was
going on there was something happening
there was inappropriate behavior a loss
of priority a distraction a detachment
that was going on and then adultery
happened and adultery is an epidemic in
our society and also among God’s people
it’s more than ever before and I’m
saying as a pastor more than ever before
we see this happening among God’s people
there’s a reason for it and first is is
because society glamorizes it Hollywood
and there’s a larger support system for
it because more people are sympathetic
toward it you can find more people who
will encourage you to do it and stand by
you while you’re doing it and things
like that I said to you in a previous
message your friends define your future
your friends predict your future and
adultery and divorce always runs in
groups almost always runs in groups
because there’s a support system for it
so you want friends who encourage you to
do the right thing and don’t encourage
you to do the wrong thing and help you
to get help when you need it the other
reason that Affairs are becoming so so
common is because of proximity of the
opposite sex there was a day when many
women were at home men worked and we
were separated largely
culturally but today many men and women
are working together but the Internet
you can be cheating by going online and
sharing details intimate details with a
person have inappropriate conversation
online and things like that and so never
before has there been more men and women
working together physically but also
just we can get online and get together
with anybody on earth and so it’s a very
very dangerous world and adultery is
becoming more prevalent but it’s a
destroyer I can’t tell you how many
homes I’ve seen destroyed by adultery
I’ve seen many homes that survived
adultery also and I’ve seen many couples
that came through it and their marriage
actually became stronger on the other
side and they would never wish it on
anyone because the tremendous pain that
it caused but God can redeem the
circumstances but it is a very very
dangerous and destructive thing and let
me let me talk about Redemption until
before I get into the heart of my
message here and just say Redemption if
you’ve committed adultery or your spouse
has committed adultery redemption always
begins with true repentance it has to
begin with true repentance and true
repentance means you don’t blame anybody
you don’t blame your spouse you don’t
tell them well I did this because you
weren’t meeting my needs I did this
because you know you were being hateful
to me or your heart was turned toward
the kids or work or something like that
there’s no justification no justice
justifying it there’s no blaming anybody
else it means I take full responsibility
for my behavior
it also means honesty and responsibility
one of the most important things for
your spouse to heal is for you to be
honest and tell what happened in detail
and not not things that are
inappropriate but it’s a part of the
healing process is so if you say well
I’m sorry I don’t want to talk about it
I don’t doesn’t work you need to talk
about it you need to tell your spouse
here’s here’s how it developed here’s
how it happened and answer their
questions and to be honest and
the third is forgiveness obviously there
has there has to be forgiveness take
place let me say this men are my women
are much more prone to forgiving than
men when a woman has been cheated on
she’s much more likely to forgive her
husband then a husband is to forgive his
wife that’s because the man feels
disrespected it’s a blow to his ego in
we’re wired different emotionally but
I’ll say this men should be just as
forgiving as women in this area and and
give grace where where there is
repentance and there is accountability
take place the next step is
let me say this now all all adultery
takes place in an atmosphere of
deception let me say it in a more crude
manner all adulterers are liars all
adulteresses are liars now I’m not
saying you were before or after but
during all adultery takes place in an
atmosphere of dishonesty you’re lying
about where you’re going you’re lying
about who you’re seeing you’re lying
about your behavior and the only way
that you can repair that is to become
accountable and to tell the truth and
accountability means because of what
I’ve done I know I need to open the
drapes and you know let you know where
I’m going who I’ve talked to and things
like that which leads to the next one
which is earn trust you’ve got to earn
the trust back and you say well I made a
mistake I don’t want to talk about it
forgive me you know and you can trust me
no no you can’t you prove that you can’t
be trusted and so every week every month
every year that goes by and you do the
right thing you build that trust back in
fact you can build that trust back
better than it was before but it is
earned and you can’t blame your spouse
for wanting you to toke the note while
they’re deciding you know how much they
can trust you because it it destroys the
trust of the relationship when there is
an affair in the next step of redemption
is building strong foundations in your
marriage if there’s a reason it happened
affairs don’t just happen in a vacuum
they happen for a reason
thank you for joining us experience the
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can we please give a big round of
applause for Hasani Pettiford thank you
good evening good evening how’s everyone
doing tonight you know in the words of
one of my good friends from Texas I am
elephant elated hippopotamus happy and
peacock proud to be with you here
tonight and I come to you with a very
important question and that question is
should we forgive
after we’ve experienced the pain of
infidelity and so the question becomes
what do we mean by infidelity what
actually does that mean perhaps it’s the
husband who goes away on a business trip
and after a long day of work goes to the
bar grabs a drink and sees an attractive
woman from across the room and as soon
as they make eye contact instantly
there’s a connection and they engage in
a one-night stand because they both know
they will never see each other again and
no one will ever know perhaps it’s that
woman who’s been in that long
emotionless relationship for quite some
time and even though initially there was
passion and there was love and there was
excitement over the course of time this
couple transitioned from being soul
mates to row mates to roommates the
emotional disconnect statistically the
average couple only engages in four
minutes of quality conversation on any
given day yet when we step into the
workplace we have eight and nine in ten
hours developing relationships and
building rapport and having great
conversation and oftentimes that
co-worker the interaction that we have
goes from being platonic to problematic
because we’re talking about things in
the office and then we’re talking about
passions and interests in hobbies and
all types of things and there’s an
instant connection that takes place and
communication the foundation of all
communication is intimacy intimacy in
mici when you allow a person to see
inside your heart and see inside your
mind and see inside your soul
and as a result emotional entanglement
begin to take place which ultimately
leads to a full-blown emotional affair
or perhaps it’s a virtual connection on
social media and it starts off
innocently with a poke or wave alike
even a share but then it graduates to
another level and it becomes a friend
requests in a private message maybe
we’ve reconnected with an old flame or a
highschool sweetheart and after 30
minutes of communication online the
emotions that we once had are triggered
again because our brain has an emotional
memory and after 30 days of constant
consistent communication our interaction
transitions from online to offline and
now we’re meeting for coffee and now
we’re meeting for dinner and now we’re
meeting for an overnight stay perhaps
it’s all of these things and a whole lot
more and so the question becomes does a
marriage have to end when an affair
takes place I dare say
no for the last 10 years my wife
Danielle and I have been traveling all
over the globe working personally with
couples who have been impacted by the
pain of infidelity and the one thing
that we’ve discovered is that when
you’re dealing with a couple both
partners experienced some form of pain
and that the only way to get from pain
island to Pleasure Island which is where
everyone wants to be they must go
through a road of recovery that recovery
is a marital recovery but it’s also an
individual recovery process because the
pain of the her partner is completely
different than the pain of the
unfaithful partner and their journeys
are very different and while the hurt
partner is dealing with how do I forgive
and how do I heal a hurting heart and
how do I move forward in how do I trust
the unfaithful partner is struggling
with how
I forgive myself how do I overcome the
pain and how do I overcome the shame and
the guilt how do I rebuild this
relationship I just don’t know what to
do it requires both a personal and
marital recovery and in that process the
only way to get to Pleasure Island is
through forgiveness doing the affair
recovery process the most important
aspect of that phase is forgiveness but
you know forgiveness is it’s this term
that we heard before and the preacher
preaches it on Sunday and we read about
it in books and we understand the
principle of it but we just don’t know
how to walk it out we don’t know how to
incorporate it into our lives because
most of us either participate in cheap
forgiveness or the refusal to forgive
and the refusal to forgive in a
relationship is a tumultuous
relationship where there’s pain and
bitterness and resentment and conflict
in the pain that is harboring in my
heart is now dumped to my partner
because I want them to experience what
I’ve gone through so there’s a sense of
revenge when you refuse to forgive but
cheap forgiveness is that forgiveness
that says the Bible says that we should
forgive so I’m just gonna forgive we’re
not going to talk about it we’re not
going to have conversations we’re just
gonna move forward and the the pain that
I’m moving away from is caring and
following me everywhere I go then I
begin to participate in passive
aggressive behaviors because I really
haven’t released it from my heart and so
many of us are struggling to know what
true genuine forgiveness actually looks
like and I reminded of a couple that
truly experienced genuine forgiveness
we’ve counseled many couples around the
world with this particular couple
together for 30 years married for 25
divorced for five but still yet together
not only did they experience one affair
but multiple affairs not only was it one
spouse but it was both spouses
and in the midst of this relationship
both of them know what it means to
betray the other and both of them know
what it means to be betrayed by their
partner so there’s pain on both sides
and in the midst of this relationship
there were multiple Affairs there were
multiple one-night stands and there were
separations and there were times when
they both moved out of the home into
their own place connecting with other
people and having long-term
relationships in one particular
relationship that the husband was
involved in wind up being a deadly one
because he was still vacillating back
and forth as to whether he should be
with his girlfriend or reconciled with
his wife and that internal conflict took
him from one household to the next and
because she was a very possessive woman
she did not want to think about her him
reconciling with his wife so he sent she
sent him many warnings one of those
warnings was a letter that was received
at the home that was a threat the second
warning resulted in vandalism the third
warning resulted in arson that
ultimately burnt that house up until it
came tumbling down to the ground but he
was living with his girlfriend at the
time so they did not know who burnt the
house down even though it was her she
conspired against him and so her her
last warning to him as he was laying in
the bed one night she creeps into the
household with three men in masks she
grabs a butcher knife from the kitchen
stands at the foot of the bed and begins
to stab him and speaks in a dark voice
explaining to him that he cannot go
anywhere and if he thinks about
reconciling with his wife it’s over and
as she begins to stab him one of the
other guys with the mask has a gun
pointed to his head he cannot move he
cannot talk he can’t do anything he’s
gripped in silence and fear the
girlfriend then goes to the other room
and opens up a safe and handles a bunch
of money and gives it to one of the guys
and masks paying him for what they’re
about to do to the
boyfriend the husband in the midst of
their exchange there’s an argument
there’s a fight and they’re fighting
over the money and ultimately one of the
guys in a ski mask takes the knife slits
the girlfriend’s throat stabs it in her
chest as she bleeds on the ground in the
bedroom next to the boyfriend for fear
that they may get away what happens is
they take nails and hammers and begin to
crucify the boyfriend up against a 2×4
piece of plywood in the bedroom so he
cannot get away could you imagine the
pain that the wife feels when she
discovers this on the 10 o’clock news
they reconcile once again but there’s
more pain there’s more agony and months
go by and they’re empty and months go by
in their shallow months go by and
they’re trying to figure out is it worth
even saving the marriage and so suicidal
thoughts begin to enter into their mind
they feel like throwing in the towel
they feel like calling it quits they
feel like giving up but in the midst of
that recovery process they’ve gone to
eight in nine counselors and nothing
would work in their favor until they
walked into our office and we took them
through a process of true healing and
when we brought God into the equation
see God has a way of healing hearts God
has a way of reaching places that none
of us can reach and they were able to
find their freak their true freedom and
restoration and healing and slowly day
by day they began to recover see one
thing about forgiveness when you hold on
to unforgiveness it can literally
destroy the relationship but when you
release the pain and you understand that
every day is a new day and you no longer
look at the partner that you did have
but the partner that you do have you
have the beginning of a great new future
many of us struggle because we’re
looking at our future through the lenses
of our past and every time we see our
partner were reminded of the pain that
they’ve caused in that relationship but
when God allows you to truly heal in
your heart it begins to restore the
relationship like never before
through our recovery process dealing
with the pain of the affair finding a
sense of healing the couple began to
reconcile and day by day things got
better and better and better they
decided that they now wanted to make
their divorce they’ve been divorced for
five years they wanted to make it
official by coming back together in a
committed relationship called marriage
and after a year of counseling and after
recovery I was given the privilege of
wetting them and now they’re husband and
wife together today after all of the
pain that they had dord
live in a new day and because of their
story they’ve now turned their pain into
passion they’ve turned their mess into a
message and they now have an
organization called commitment keepers
and now they become a beacon of light
and hope to a world that no matter what
you’ve gone through healing is available
for you no matter what you endured
forgiveness is something that you can
all have and when you embrace it you can
have a relationship that you’ve never
had before and so we are honored to have
them here in this room tonight Todd and
Alicia Taylor please stand so that we
can give you a strong round of applause
for your excellent example
and now commitment keepers is making an
impact all over the world forgiveness is
not the goal forgiveness is not the
destination forgiveness is the process
that you have to go through to get to
the destination what is the destination
bliss in your relationship true intimacy
true passion a relationship with this
true integrity an intimacy that allows
you to go from where you are to a higher
level true forgiveness allows you to
embrace a relationship that you never
thought was possible for you true
forgiveness when you experience it no
one can see the residue from your past
failures when you’ve embraced true
forgiveness you truly know that number
one God has truly forgiven you true
forgiveness says I can truly receive the
forgiveness from my partner and I can
truly forgive myself when you’ve reached
that place you have a relationship that
you’ve never had before and every day
will represent the beginning of the rest
of your life thank you
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